Be your own person.
Most of us go through a phase in our lives when we want to fit in with the crowd and avoid standing out at any cost. For me, this period was mostly in 8th and 9th grades, when I cared greatly about having the "right" clothes. The ones the other girls were wearing, with parents willing to spend more money on clothes than my parents were. This meant babysitting for extra money, and spending way too much for Abercrombie jeans. Looking back, it's all very amusing, and a little sad. I fell into the trap.
There is a side of human nature that quietly pushes all of us to want to go unnoticed, to blend in with the crowd, to like the same things other people like, and to do the same things other people are doing.
My father, being the parent that he is, tried his best to encourage Frieden and me to be our own person. His technique in this instance was "leading by example". While the other dads were wearing the cool nonchalant dad clothes to sporting events, my dad was wearing a bright pair of Converse Chuck Taylor tennis shoes, Levi's jeans, (always Levi's to this day), and some bright freebee baseball hat. He really didn't give a damn. Really. That's how he liked to dress, and what else mattered? In fact, he continues to truly not care what other people think about what he does, what he wears, or the things he likes. He likes what HE likes, period.
At the end of the day, that is the the way it should be for all of us, when we have the courage to decide to be our own person and live away from the crowd. To make decisions based on our personal likes, rather than what most people like. Let us not fall into the trap of trying to be like everyone else. Be yourself.
Live a simple and frugal life; avoid putting on airs
My dad gave a beautiful toast at our reception, and mentioned his top 3 life rules. A bagpiper played the Highland Wedding March as my dad walked me down the aisle, and so many of his pillars come from the Scots and growing up in a family that had just enough.
Our country was founded on principles of independence that have been obscured by the desire to have more and take on debt to do so. I believe the underlying root of this trend is the human desire to impress other people, with our houses, our cars, our vacations, etc. Unfortunately, the banks and government have made it easy to do so, and our country has been left in a state of great debt and little resemblance to what our Founding Fathers envisioned.
From what I've learned at this point in my life, there is no great fulfillment in trying to impress other people. It's a fallacy that will lead a person to living a life for other people, rather than for himself, which brings no satisfaction or happiness.
Dad reminded me, at our wedding reception, that there is beauty in living simply and frugally, and in living for yourself and not for other people. Most people crave simplicity, which often begets a sense of order and calm, and highlights relationships with people as opposed to relationships with material things. I would like to thank my dad for these gentle reminders which guide my daily decisions and serve as a foundation for my life.
Be self-sufficient; carry your weight and then some
SELF-SUFFICIENT: able to provide for your own needs without help from others
As I was growing up, the drive to be self-sufficient was introduced to my older brother (Frieden) and me at a young age and on regular basis. My mom gardened and canned years worth the spaghetti sauce. Dad never hired anything he could do himself, whether it came to digging trenches under the house, fixing cars, or tending his yard. The babysitter drove a nicer car than my dad. The difference: my dad owned his car.
In the house, Frieden and I were constantly expected to "carry our weight". In other words, keep our rooms clean and tidy, help out with chores, in the yard, or with whatever project we were needed. Was it always fun? No. Did we know any different? No. At some point, we realized that some of our friends were being paid for "chores". A few dollars to vacuum, a few dollars to clean a bathroom. You should have seen my dad's face when we thought he would consider paying us to work in the house! Oh hell no.
When we were old enough to grasp how money works, we were given a small weekly allowance, starting at 1 dollar a week. The talk that came before that first dollar was serious, and we were encouraged to save our dollars not spend lavishly or wastefully. As silly as it sounds now, Frieden and I were like two little squirrels, hiding away our money and saving it. Just in case. The temptations were vast: treasure trolls, Lego's, baseball cards, Ace of Base cd's, Limited Too scrunchies. The temptations remain vast: fancy cars, designer jeans, iPads, camera lenses, vacations. My dad did not want us to ever rely on anyone else to provide our needs - not the bank, the government, or other people. If there was no money for it, we didn't have it. I think that materialistically we had a lot less than the other kids in our neighborhood, but we were being taught so much more.
Dad says that you should never rely on others to provide for you or help you create the life that you want. Rely on yourself and do for yourself.
